Tag: Mindfulness

Mindfulness Activities in Spring for Your Child

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Spring has arrived in Sydney and we are soaking in the warmer days as much as we can. Who doesn’t love Spring? (Besides the allergens, of course!) Oliver has been asking when Spring will come since the middle of winter because he missed the flowers so much. Each morning he ran into our bedroom asking, “Is it Spring today?” When September 1 finally arrived he was so excited!

Spring is often referred to as the season of rebirth or change. It’s a time of rejuvenation. For me it’s like the New Year–a time of reflection as I contemplate what changes I might need to make to improve my life and personal well being. The practice of Mindfulness is very important so with the long days it means it’s easier for me to get out of bed earlier to make it a priority.

How are you doing taking care of yourself as a parent? Do you use these seasons to stop in the midst of your busy day to really think about if your needs are being met? We all have been told that we can’t take care of others unless we take care of ourselves first. For some this is hard. I certainly struggled with this my entire life until I went to a therapist to learn how to do it! Slowly I am getting better at it and feeling less guilty when I have to say ‘no’ to a request or commitment. It’s hard when you are an innate people pleaser; but I realise now that if it will stretch me to far I have to be firm. My health and personal welfare is now a top priority so it’s easy to rationalise my decision.

I also want to model this behaviour of self-kindness to my children. I believe the act of being still and present in the moment is a huge component to this. When we learn to be comfortable in the stillness with ourselves we find it easier to find gratitude and self-forgiveness.  As they admire and appreciate the multitudes of rebirths in Spring I want them to also find peace and joy in their hearts.

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So how do we incorporate mindful moments in our day during this season? The easiest way is to look at my children’s interests. They all have a deep connection to nature so I really use that to our advantage and encourage them to slow down, stop and take the wonders in. Here are some of the moments we use in our day to practice…

  • Admiring flowers; feeling the texture of their leaves, petals. Breathing in the scent, enjoying the vibrant colours.
  • Observing insects. Slowing down and following snails, watching bees gather pollen and butterflies flutter or hover flies hover. Watch spider webs glisten in the sun.
  • Pondering at a pond, creek or lake. Sitting and observing fish, ducks, turtles or frogs.
  • Back to basics: laying on the grass and watching branches sway in the breeze or cloud formations in the sky.
  • Visit the beach: take time to sit and watch the waves or feel the sand under your feet and fall through your fingers.
  • Be a fox! Go outside barefoot in a wide open space and ask your child to close his eyes. Move away from him and ask him to use his senses to find him as you softly call his name.
  • Hatch silkworms. This is a favourite for us. Watching them slowly munch on leaves and spin their cocoons is so cathartic.
  • Take an easel out door and focus on a single object to paint or draw.

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Do these activities with your child. You’ll both get in that “me time” that you need and deserve. I have a feeling that it will become a very special time for each of you. What a wondferful message it sends to your child that you are taking the time out of your day to be still with them and to focus on the moment together.

These are certainly activities that I treasure doing with my children and I see the benefits it gives to all of us as a family and to each individually. I would love hear from you about what works for your family!

With gratitude,

Megan xx

Time Waits for No One {Changes of Spring}

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Since the return of our trip it has been amazing for the children to see how much our garden has changed. We arrived home with so many strawberries to harvest and our blueberry bush that we planted in Autumn has finally fruited after showing blossoms months ago.

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The azaleas also seem to be past their peak and now; we see our hydrangeas and agapanthus getting ready to display their glorious bright blooms. Hover flies swarm our chives and lady bugs lazily sit about their stalks. In fact, all of Sydney is purple with the glorious Jacaranda trees painting the landscape. It was the first thing we noticed when we drove home from the airport.

Lachlan’s class was caring for our precious silkworms while away. We hoped there might be a few left to watch spin their cocoons, but we were too late. We returned to find them all snug and warm wrapped in their layers of silk. We will have to wait until they awaken now to tell them we are back from our trip.

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All this change is a reminder to me of how precious life truly is. Time waits for no one; the world and laws of nature continue whether we are around to notice them or not. It is funny because the one thing I was looking forward to while coming home was familiarity, however the scenery is so very different. I suppose this is where those special bonds with family and friends come into play as they are the constants in our life -as long as we nurture them well.

So go outside and breathe in that fresh air. Perhaps you are on the same side of the world enjoying the last breaths of Spring, or maybe you are an ocean away taking in crisp Autumn air. Time changes everything so very quickly. Please enjoy it while it lasts and savour each moment with your child. Wonderful opportunities await you both if you slow down and take time out to take in this incredible planet we call home, no matter where you reside.

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With gratitude,

Megan xx

Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

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I am constantly sitting back and observing our home environment and reflecting. I ponder what modifications could be made to make it more accomodating for all my children (ages 2,4, and 6). I suppose it is the Montessori Directress in me, but observation and reflection seems to be an innate part of my being; the reason I was so keen to obtain my science degree in human development. I find this area so intriguing along with anthropology.

Our home set up is looking really good. Everyone seems to have maximum independence for their abilities and all my children are aware of the limitations within our environment. However, thinking about the broader picture of our home life, I have been really shifting my focus on one area: the speed of life. 

No matter how hard I try to slow down it seems that the demands of life keep busying my mind, adding on commitments and fast forwarding our daily routines. Last year after being really mentally and physically burnt out and suffering various health issues because of it, I made a promise to myself and my family that I would revamp A LOT to ensure I did not go into meltdown mode again. It has been a conscious effort everyday since then as I am a people pleaser and the typical mum that puts everyone first but herself. I am proud to say that I have made huge progress in this area, largely contributed to learning forgiveness towards myself and gratitude in all things: yes, even in those failed accomplishments, I know there is a reason and nothing is ever really a failure if a lesson is learned.

One thing I know about children from all my years of observation and research is that they are true products of their environment. What they see, hear and do very much becomes woven into who they are becoming as individuals. It makes me ask myself quite frequently, “what do my children see when they look at me?” 

What do they see? I know before my health issues they would have seen a hurricane force for a momma–a swirling gust moving from one place to the next, mostly making sure everyone was out the door on time and where they needed to be, just picking up whatever was in my path to ensure I didn’t miss a thing. It was a year ago, close enough that I can still feel the emotional intensity if I sit with it for too long, but enough time has passed that I feel like I am quite removed from ‘who that person was’and I am not at risk of becoming that bellowing storm again. All I can say is thank you for revelation and clarity!

I know I do not want my children to grow up with the belief that this is how a person should move through life. The sense of urgency and my fast past nature was something that had been a part of me for such a long time (and yes, on days when I feel overly busy and anxious they are often very unwelcomed visitors once again).

All my children are six and under; these are really informative years where the brain is developing at the most rapid rate ever. How will this view of how their world moves affect that? How will it shape their values and belief systems? I knew that I needed to start acting like the person and mother that I believed was to be valued and it did not include neglecting myself, putting myself last or moving about so fast that I become disconnected from what is important.

After all, my daughter looks to me to form her ideas of how a mother and wife should be. Just the same, my sons are gathering views about how their future wife and mother to their children should act. I don’t want my daughter to think that she has to throw the most perfect, hand-made birthday parties to be respected or to feel validated as a mom. I don’t want my sons to think their wives should always have the house clean and dinner ready at all expenses.

What I do want them to see is that a mom, wife, woman, (human being, really!) tries their best. Like my children, I am under construction, a work in progress. After all, we never stop growing, really. Some days “best ” will be knock out dinners and others it will be take-away. Most days I will have patience, but others it will be lost. So, I say I am sorry and I will try better next time.

I know that my children really do not care if they bring home-made cupcakes to school for their birthdays or a box from a last-minute pick up at the local shop. What they really care about is acknowledgement–that I acknowledged their birthday and the very special place they hold in my heart and a reminder of the unique contribution they add to the world.

So I focus on being present. I focus on being mindful. If I feel a bit of hurry entering my bloodstream I note it without judgement. If it is the stress of getting somewhere on time that is niggling me, I focus on the important bit: getting there safely even if I am late. I take a deep breath, find forgiveness in the situation and put my best foot forward.  I know now that it is not a reflection of who I am as a mother or a person.

My children see how I have slowed down and it takes stress off of them as well. We are also very open and communicative about our emotions and they know what I mean when I say, “Mum is feeling a bit overwhelmed” when perhaps I have asked them to please get their shoes on for the fifth time. Because I am honest, they see the sincerity and have developed empathy towards such situations. In turn, they share their emotions with me and expect the same respect.

In short, I know that I am not perfect and it is something that I do not strive for anymore. When we leave that burden, life seems easier and more enjoyable. I want my children to learn realistic expectations and experience childhood with a mum who loves and respects herself enough to take care of herself. I could prepare a picturesque home environment but if I am not fully present; emotionally, spiritually and physically–none if it would matter.

Start living the life you want to live and deserve.

With gratitude,

Megan xx

8 Steps to be a More Present Parent

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Children are so patient and go with the flow. We often take it for granted They see waiting so differently than most adults. One of them is always waiting for a siblings bus, for a dance or swim lesson to finish, etc. It is generally no big deal. Let's always keep that internal calm in them and not taint it by our busy nature we seemed to inherit in this day and age.

Children are so patient and go with the flow. We often take it for granted. They see waiting so differently than most adults. One of them is always waiting for a siblings bus, for a dance or swim lesson to finish, etc. It is generally no big deal. Let’s always keep that internal calm in them and not taint it by our busy nature we seemed to inherit in this day and age.

When I first began my Montessori journey as a parent- toddler and eventually Nido program Directress, I knew that I wanted to do more than simply guide parents for a 2-hour session each week. I wanted the families in my care to go home each day feeling empowered and inspired. The hope for all Directresses is that the families will incorporate what they see and learn from our prepared environment and transfer to their own home. The Montessori Approach is more than a philosophy, it is a way of conscious living.

While topics of discussion such as sensitive periods, weaning and independence, etc were very popular and important during our sessions, there was one subject in which I constantly referred back to in order to explain the others: mindfulness, which encompassed OBSERVATION and being PRESENT.

The art of observation must be practiced by the Montessori parent. I say “Montessori Parent” as this is a key element to the philosophy, however this art is necessary for all parents regardless of the methodology chosen. When we SEE our children instead of merely looking at them, we discover what they are trying to tell us, what they are driven to accomplish and the desires of their heart. All of this gives us great information! With this knowledge we can modify the environment to best suit their needs, foster the developmental drive that is at work and tune into what makes our children “tick”–that special component that makes him unique from all others on this planet.

It all comes down to being really PRESENT in the moment with our children. Observation normally takes place when we are not interacting with them, but simply sitting back and taking notice of what they are doing. When your child invites you into their world and you accept the invitation, it is important that you are a polite guest! How rude would it be if someone came to visit you and sat texting or checking their social media every few minutes? Most people would agree, that is not quality time with a friend, nor would it be with your child. Show him that your time together is valued by devoting your  attention to your shared activity.

In order to truly SEE our children and be PRESENT we have to abandon a few things:

  1. Switch off all technology : Gasp! Did I hear? Yes, it is necessary. You can have your phone back, I promise but for this exercise it needs to be out of sight and out of mind. The act of switching off your phone, TV, laptop, etc. alone sends a strong message to your child that he is more important than those things and that you are taking an active interest in what he is doing. Powerful stuff! And who knows, you may find that you enjoy this ‘being present’ time so much that it becomes a regular thing! (Yes!!!!)
  2. Give up any preconceived ideas of how your time together should be. Living in the present means being untainted by the past and worry-free of the future. Follow your child’s lead and see where it takes you. It is okay to have something of interest prepared, but fly by the seat of your pants! If things begin to deflect from those plans, go with it. A new, more exciting and memorable experience just might be in store. It is okay to be spontaneous! The perfect day is generally the one least expected and often painted with imperfections.
  3. Talk less and listen more. This is a wonderful opportunity to check in with your child. If you ask open-ended questions (those that require more than a yes or no answer) you will discover a lot about his thoughts and feelings. Take care not to drill your child. Let the conversation flow naturally. Make sure you pause after each thought you or your child express to allow your child to respond. Like adults, children need a moment to ponder what they just heard. If we quickly switch from topic to topic, they never get to explore and test out their ideas on you, their audience. Allowing silent moments allows them time to do this. If nothing is said, that is fine too! Enjoy the stillness together.
  4. Do not check your watch! Have you ever been in a private meeting with someone and they were a constant watch checker? What message did it send to you? Again, show your children that you value your time together. If necessary, tell your child beforehand that your have ‘X’ amount of time before you need to switch focus to prepping dinner, going to work or whatever it may be. Setting a timer will take your worries of forgetting away and eliminate the need to keep your eye on the clock.
  5. Ditch the itch to twitch. Be conscientious of the body language you are conveying to your children. If you find that it is really hard for you to stay in one place and engage, then take note. Do not worry about why it is hard for you in the moment, you can examine this later, instead shift that energy into the task at hand. Be active in what you are doing together and try to focus on the details: it could be as simple as smelling the sweetness of an apple you are preparing for snack, examining the gloss of the skin, the crispness in your mouth or the crunching sound it makes with each bite.  When is the last time you really paid attention to all of this? If your body is having a hard time slowing down, then I would encourage you to practice it more and more!
  6. No need for speed! Slow down, smell the roses, be patient. In a world where we rush around all day it is really important to unwind and go with the flow. Relax your breathing, relax your heart rate. Feel peace and calmness surround you by tuning into the natural rhythm of a carefree routine. If you are on a time limit, that is okay too. Simply tell your child that you can pick up where you left off when your free time together circles around again.
  7. Leave the judging for Judy. Staying present and being mindful is about being free from judgement. This is hard and a new concept for many. Again, stay focused. Engage during your time  together but do not get so caught up in what she is doing that you begin comparing her abilities to Sally, the neighbour’s child or ponder why she painted the strawberry purple. See your child for who she individually… and think of purple strawberries as a new trend!
  8. Be kind to yourself. If all the above is hard for you and you find it difficult to be fully present with your child that is okay! You have learned something about yourself. There is a reason why Mindfulness is a hot topic. Many of us have a hard time unwinding and slowing down. Some even find it hard to reconnect with others. Unfortunately our modern day society seems to support this. Hope is not lost. You just need practice and the commitment of time to it. For many this wind-down will be a slow process; the masses are addicted to being busy. Take it day by day and hopefully it will become easier and more enjoyable as time goes on.

I truly believe that more parents are wanting to escape the hustle-bustle life we seem to have all been thrown into. We realise that some how we need to stop the glorification of busy! It is like an addiction, we know that it is healthier to slow down but we can’t seem to let go, nor do we know how. When we do find stillness it often seems uncomfortable and foreign to us. What are our children thinking about the speed of life or is it all just the norm to them now?

I know for me their is no better feeling than truly connecting with my family, especially my children.

With gratitude,

Megan xx